Turns Out Old Ladies Are Not A Safe Bet For Airport Small Talk

I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to hit an old lady…..but now I can say that I have definitely experienced that feeling.

First off, it’s called GUM. You can buy it anywhere. So buy it. Chew it.  Live by it. Don't start a conversation with a stranger without it.

            Given the choice of talking to the attractive guy (who by the way had an amazing Irish accent)  sitting on my left or the poor old lady on my right….of course I have to be polite, I chose the poor old lady. We started talking about my POE and what I was going to be doing in Northern Ireland and then the conversation took a bit of a turn. She asked me what I thought would happen in the world in the next 15 to 20 years. I of course went on a rant about oil, the US, the economy, current political situation in the Arab world, the decline of the Euro and American Dollar, and so on.  And then she asked me if I had read the Bible?  I told her I didn’t and then she whipped one out and started quoting some Babylon king and his dream and something about Jesus…apparently nothing that is going on is really relevant because eventually god will come down and wipe the earth of evil, I should have guessed where this was going. THEN she told me she was a Jehovah Witness (nothing against people of other faiths, but I've had an encounter or two with them back in VT and honestly they scare me). Then she went on and asked me where my faith stood (A bit of a rude question for someone who you just met…not even met just happened to be sitting next to). I told her I was kind of Muslim but had some doubts still…I had one of those "Should not have said that" moments. And that’s when the attempted conversion began. I guess I deserved it, since I pretty much walked right into the trap. 

I’ve never felt more violated in my life.  There was no door to shut in her face like I usually do with the Jehovah Witnesses when they come a knocking. This became the longest 30 minutes of my life.  By the way…did you know Satan rules the world and God is just sitting back letting humans mess up to learn a lesson…I think she said it was Eve’s fault. Fuck, first Eve eats the apple and fucks women over. Now it turns out she’s a Satan worshiper. Should have known. 

This is not exactly what I had in mind for some fun stories to share with you guys from my trip to N. Ireland, but I guess it was meant to be. Maybe Satan just wanted to fuck with me? Oh and she tried to give me some Jehovah magazine for a bit of light reading on the plane...I told her I would stick to Tim O'Brian's The Things They Carried (great book, go read it!), O'Brian and I share the same view of the world. Also, if you want the answers to all of your questions about faith you can visit www.Watchtower.org.  J it’s where all the Jehovah people hang out. Anyway I hope my next story is one that I actually enjoy being a part of.

By the way, this might also have been one of those stories that ends with….”You had to be there” But just imagine me in this situation and I think you can get the all the emotions.